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kezban

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I am still here, i think. [09 Mar 2007|09:50pm]
I have returned to the internet. Trying to return full force to life itself.
My email account got erased among many other things that are truly frustrating. 

not to mention losing every scrap, every word that had been cherished and grouped into a series of stories and uplifting poetry...
The book is no more.  (mostly because of my lost motivation.  )
i'm slowly trying to piece it together.

i have recently made an effort to get back in touch with a lot of people i have not seen in eons.  i have had endless struggles with things that used to come so freely, dying to be as beautiful as i was when i lived in ithaca.  mostly just being sad brings you below the standard of expectation of yourself and associates.  i am sick and tired of everyone i know who is absolutely brilliant being held back from the creative projects and passions and visionary births they so long for...and if you lose any luster you are up a creek...
only with charisma may we charm our way to the top of our own universes, and love(passion)...for we damn sure ain't got enough cash to do it.

how to creatively increase our assets?
i miss our family.
i miss my most amazing self.  I took it for granted back then that i touched so many and felt so deeply and
oh god how i miss myself.
i think being around family brought the best out of me...

i read a post from awhile back that tells me
"i'll write about the rainbow ridge gathering when i have time to gush about it..."
and it is sad to me that i still never got around to it.  now i should, even though now the memories are not as strong as they could have been, at the time, when Thomas Jaygo was alive...    when TJ kept our fire going....
now he can only keep our hearts warm...years later... i miss you man.
And another thing... my livejournal has a gap from a few days before my birthday until a while after...
That was a very special day for me, for Dante too, we fell in love, and finally acted upon it in a sunbeam in his room that day. 

He is in jail, serving 60 days that began on the 7th.    What an incredibly weak turn of events.  i believe he is beautiful enough to gather that which is gold in there, and relax.  He'll be out soon enough.  i miss him but i fear that we were unhealthy when in love.  maybe that is true but i am determined to become healthy and happy in the future,
i must survive this tidalwave of sadness.
the moss that grows beneath my feet is spreading to become a stable floor.
i aim to be me again soon.
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[07 Oct 2005|12:47pm]
"a lot of the shadows we see in other people are cast by our own light."

-Goblyn
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"I'm lovin it" [05 Jul 2005|06:13pm]
I'm lovin you too, TJ

may the rest of your journeys at this end of your human experience be beautiful as when i knew you, man.
help me stop callin your phone.
help me believe the truth.

i love you.
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grown a bitter lover cruncher [30 Jun 2005|02:01pm]
life is so beautiful
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[06 Jun 2005|05:56pm]
christopher blessed me and inspired me 3000
miles away

that's a reason to believe
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[16 Apr 2005|08:33pm]
water cress, rattlesnake plaintain, lemon balm, anise hyssop, orange balsam thyme, kale, strawberry...

they are my new garden!
i adopted a second puppy today, i didn't try, it just happened.
i have a great feeling about it.

amazig adventures at the rainbow ridge gathering i'll save for later, when i can pour my heart. i'm in brevard, terina and ian and dan and all the folkys sound great. on love.
whew.
great day. adios.
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[08 Apr 2005|08:21pm]
oh my goodness.
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[04 Apr 2005|08:36pm]
whew
life is amazing and never slows down, this merry go round
is sometimes such a challenge
when i hole on, i get sick, and when i let go i enjoy the ride.

blessed to have a ticket aboard.
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fools [01 Apr 2005|11:25pm]
i am so blessed on this second day of silence to be in asheville.

i love you guys.
burstingly intimate place to be
wield
nothing but a powerful heart
gifted yearning gifting majik darts.

oh how our innards scream and
those distant passion diamonds gleam on our fingers
i mention a vision;
our team
make manifest the hour into a year
loving and giving and decision
to let ourselves out of the prison.
Be Here
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Genuine companionship, Inergy displaced, freed. [28 Mar 2005|10:48am]
[ mood | unitous. one. ]

Spirit gives exactly what we need.
we accept from "spirit" exactly what we are ready for.
we open, and everything is eased and loving.
we close, we fear, and everything is harder.

thanks be to the soul in me, that stirred so gently and gifted so generously.

quality interactions happen when we project nothing just be.
i love you.
i am you.
i love that you love other mees.
i am thankful you embodied the wizard as your magic kissed my wounds;
you are a sensual healer.
it challenges me, brings forth to my attention memories which previously i would have rather forgotten. cradled to my own defined limitation, i shriek! as you breathe with patience i am reminded that you are not the illusions i fear.
You reached me in a space that i had not shared. You reminded me, revitalized a shadow into a living, dancing being.
Through the lesson we shared i feel ready to embrace the world.
i was so cold, so scared
of what i knew i felt was happening.
thank you for helping me to embrace my most feared chakra!
i was not aware of my fear until you touched her.
did you see her?
she kissed you. she blessed you and instead of emotional scars she leaves her
majik faerie dust which rains blessing on our intention as we settle into ourselves.
This sacred rite, exists as worship. We are medicine to each other, our tested
tingling astral tips touch to give love, offered to our abba, our ima, the united spirit sings this day.
and though many children in the city have never tasted a real country vegetable,
only canned and processed, and even fresh, is filled with genetic codes different than that which it arrived on earth with, or preserved physically long past the time it takes to vibrationally break down and morph into energetic decomposition.
how many lovers have never tasted love that has not been through a filter, prescribed regulations, held back from it's natural state.
replaced their true feeling with a "fine, thank you?"
i am here to embrace you when you release. you are invited to cry on my shoulder, to share yourself. To sit quietly in a sacred space of acceptance, appreciation, love.
who you are is beautiful to me.
You are invited to join us in loving the world. We need only look into our selves, with earnest humility, be love.

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[24 Mar 2005|08:24pm]
change.
gifts,
praise,
home.

thank you.
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[19 Mar 2005|10:22pm]
i am of sickness and and illusion until
the sickness is illusion and i am well.
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i aim to paint you carefully, life canvas [19 Mar 2005|04:48pm]
[ mood | anxious ]


expanding to envelop that which we love. Quantified vibration.
shift. breathe. flow into it. Be.


a colony of tarbabies,



We come from the muck into solidarity.

(my understanding of a unified common purpose)

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moments of bliss extend to be life// livin in the pisgah forest [13 Mar 2005|02:20pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Asheville is such a beautiful place!!!
thank you jay. blue eyed pierce my discomfort.
a marvelous journey...
yesterday was fried plantains, drumming in the park, meeting so many great people, but in particular, 3 striking souls

Terinaa, a woman who is free and beautiful, has children who i cannot wait to meet.
When my eyes met with Ian's windows, time stopped and we were of stillness and anxiousness at once. Love.
And Joshua. flood of energy connnected with memory. he was the first person i felt drawn to when i enerted the park. my inner urge grew as it was time to depart. his warm love eyes spoke softly to me and comfort was present.
The love born there, snuggled itself deeply into me and reached my ego.
I knew i was influenced by my ego.

i walked away.
i flourished apart in a sunny spot until i felt first and then saw a projection of the presence of joshua. our energies blended into a beautiful intense living life, when i almost felt it was too intense and i was going to withdraw,
a soft, gentle, bless of a kiss welcomed me to discard my worry.
Then we were joined in the sun by ian and turena, a heaped mass of love and appreciation, our whole camping trip was worship to me...

i'm blessed, I love you.

Beans too heavy this mornin?
joshua says "ain't 'nuff firewood for beans."
wow, thanks for keepin me in check.
the creases on ones forehead when one feels the power of love,
smile lines on the leather of your face,
special unique people.
can't say much more.

so so so so filled with love.
thank you allah, abba you are the voice of reason within me that protects me from harm.
ima, goddess of my heart
tho i do not see "you"
i see your many forms , physical or otherwise
i recognize the beauty of a feeling.
it's all in the eyes.
yay! for flippin coins.

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thanks be , the remindor [07 Mar 2005|10:42am]
[ mood | eyez hurtin' ]

Jah reminded me that there is food and liked but unneccessary accessories in dumpsters.

i found entire cases of spicy noodles and peanut sauce.
corrective, i found nothing, i know nothing.
they were a gift, i was rewarded for following intuition.
Spending time with my grandparents is amazing.

I love them so much. After i left them i felt charged, content, not in a hurry.

Then i went to the world market dumpster. along with boxes and boxes of noodles, there were two beaded curtains.



thanks.

Unc beat duke, so there was a riot on franklin street with open bonfires, hootin' and hollerin' etc.
I climbed on a roof to see the fire in the middle of the street.

I sang on the bench with shawns guitar, (thank you shawn)
gift of moneys
I sang a song with two lines
"I hope you make it home safely,
i hope you make it in one peice.
I'm a free DD, if your too drunk to drive, you should ask me for a ride."

I had a blast. I was getting firey
rowdy
actin an everlovin' fool
it felt wonderful.
Plus i made a new friend, scott
he actually took me up on that ride.
yay for being in harmony with the flow, unstead of right behind it aching to be on top of the wave
or at least in a position where the force of movement helped you forward.
it hurts to be pulled under neath.
in love/pain grateful for the day.

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Hold on or let go of your astral hat [04 Mar 2005|12:46pm]
Today hath flowed upon us in a strange way. I vibrate to the ever ringing sound of didgerie dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

So many things are changing, deeeeeep breath. I feel much love for the future.
i am love right here.
As the dome stood naked, the snow fell for a few moments, blessed in element.
Grown in winter there, a soul
thriving spirit bare
i'm whole.

Allways all ways have been is a whole.
To forget us is to be alone.
OM
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reviews the words of prophets written [25 Feb 2005|03:10am]
on subway walls.
it makes me think to itch about it.
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thank allah! [24 Feb 2005|10:58am]
waking up in a puddle this morning was so beautiful!

it reminded me of ithaca, dove saying, "how many hippies can u fit under a tarp!"

i feel so refreshed by the rain a little cold, and blessed, blessed. happy birthday shawn.
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[15 Feb 2005|10:26pm]
[ mood | heavy sleepy body lazy ]

Strings attached the ankles of this creature, who integrated the rise of a question
it dances with the answer
they are the same

is becoming vain.? <my judgement. to be so struck by beauty. ha! it will exist maybe another 90 years, that beast. so it doesn't want to take care of itself so i make assumptions they are one in the same it happens even when i speak your name that you WILL respond These worries i opened my doors for and i'm stealin their rupees. well i paused before i wrote that, because i wondered if i was being negative. whew. what i am, is too serious. sleepety slish quiet as a fish.

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I saw a restroom token. (thoughts on) [15 Feb 2005|04:47pm]
[ mood | refreshed ]

at Toeknee's house, I saw a small golden colored restoom token.
i wrote what i felt when i caught sight of it.

Seated in "God's" house:

I drempt of a place where the peoples played with pretend coins, which had the power to COMMAND ANYTHING from society .

Sometimes i forget this is a dream, forget to take a seat.

Whew. And i had an inner grievance to paying for water, which i sometimes speak aloud...(who cares, Owasa the water company? HAHAHAHA)

But paying to take a shit??
hmm.

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