kezban (duppiconkwora) wrote,
kezban
duppiconkwora

I am still here, i think.

I have returned to the internet. Trying to return full force to life itself.
My email account got erased among many other things that are truly frustrating. 

not to mention losing every scrap, every word that had been cherished and grouped into a series of stories and uplifting poetry...
The book is no more.  (mostly because of my lost motivation.  )
i'm slowly trying to piece it together.

i have recently made an effort to get back in touch with a lot of people i have not seen in eons.  i have had endless struggles with things that used to come so freely, dying to be as beautiful as i was when i lived in ithaca.  mostly just being sad brings you below the standard of expectation of yourself and associates.  i am sick and tired of everyone i know who is absolutely brilliant being held back from the creative projects and passions and visionary births they so long for...and if you lose any luster you are up a creek...
only with charisma may we charm our way to the top of our own universes, and love(passion)...for we damn sure ain't got enough cash to do it.

how to creatively increase our assets?
i miss our family.
i miss my most amazing self.  I took it for granted back then that i touched so many and felt so deeply and
oh god how i miss myself.
i think being around family brought the best out of me...

i read a post from awhile back that tells me
"i'll write about the rainbow ridge gathering when i have time to gush about it..."
and it is sad to me that i still never got around to it.  now i should, even though now the memories are not as strong as they could have been, at the time, when Thomas Jaygo was alive...    when TJ kept our fire going....
now he can only keep our hearts warm...years later... i miss you man.
And another thing... my livejournal has a gap from a few days before my birthday until a while after...
That was a very special day for me, for Dante too, we fell in love, and finally acted upon it in a sunbeam in his room that day. 

He is in jail, serving 60 days that began on the 7th.    What an incredibly weak turn of events.  i believe he is beautiful enough to gather that which is gold in there, and relax.  He'll be out soon enough.  i miss him but i fear that we were unhealthy when in love.  maybe that is true but i am determined to become healthy and happy in the future,
i must survive this tidalwave of sadness.
the moss that grows beneath my feet is spreading to become a stable floor.
i aim to be me again soon.
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